It's Paula's World: Crossisms, Tales of the Funniest Kid I Know

Cross James Van Wicklin

AKA "Cross the Boss", "Crossy the Snow Man"

My 6 year old, Cross, is the funniest kid I know. He has the best way of looking at the world around him, and the majority of the stuff that comes out of his mouth is just hilarious. He is all boy, and he drives me insane, but the stuff he does and the things he does keeps me laughing. He is definitely my comic relief in life.

So for my enjoyment and for your's, here are some of the things I can remember:

When cross first learned to walk, whenever he would walk past a "Slippery When Wet" floor sigh, he would always kick it down. People at our regular places began to expect it when they saw him coming.

Cross used to call chihuahuas "chick-a-wa-wa"

He called Western Kentucky's Hilltoppers "Mountain climbers"

Favorite ride at Busch Gardens

Cross put a quarter in the puppy's ear the other day and said, "wanna see a magic trick?"

One time at Busch Gardens he reached through the fence and put a kangaroo in a headlock. When I saw him I said "cross! let go of that poor kangaroo!" He replied, "Mom, I just wanted to give it a hug."

Walking with mall santa

He has always talked or sang when he uses the bathroom. One time I walked by and heard him calling his penis "Agent P", and he talked to Agent P the whole time he pooped.

Cross told me he had to break apart my chopsticks since he's the man.

He calls the gym L.A. Fitness "Elephantness"

He used to tell us that we were "furry" if we needed to shave.

One time Cross lifted up his shirt and shows me his belly and says "look how many packs I have now! I think I have 5 packs now"

He used to always tell us that he loved daddy "all the way up to God" and he loved mommy "all the way up to Jesus."

His term for diarrhea: "hiney pee"

Christian said," I hate playing with cross! He cheats!!" And Cross replied "Well I'm sorry, but I just really like winning."

One time while watching soccer he said, "It's called sock-er cuz you wear long socks"

Faith said something was cross-eyed. Cross got really mad and yelled, "My eyes do not look like that! It's not my eyes!"

He told me once that the plural of toothbrush is "teethbrushes."

Cross has always called French Fries "french-A-fries"

One time while I was eating a hamburger with him, he started to pick the sesame seeds off of my burger bun. When I asked him why he was doing that, he said, "I want to put them in the dirt to grow a cheeseburger tree so we can have all the cheeseburgers we want."

Cross said, "Mom I wish I was all grown up so I could marry you" I of course said,
"You can't marry your mom." Cross replied, "Why? I'm handsomer, funnier, and nicer than dad."

Today he told me if there was an alligator that he would beat it up for me because he is a real man.

He got really upset one day when I was driving. When I asked him what was wrong, he replied, "Why does the sun always have to follow ME around...Why doesn't it follow Christian!"

I wish I remembered them all, but I guess I can add more later. If you have ever met him, you know he can be both a pain and a riot. If you don't know him, I hope you enjoyed this as much as I do.