Now What?

So my back is back to where it was prior to my surgery in September of 2010. I just had more injections, which did nothing but make me feel worse. I'm constantly in pain and I am depressed because I can't do the things I love...like Taekwondo and weightlifting.

my spine post surgery

I've been playing volleyball for the past 6 months. I am not very good, but at least it keeps me busy and is physical. Volleyball was never easy on my back, but the pain was tolerable, until last night. Last night the left side of my lower back locked up. I had a hard time walking off the court and out of the gym. I'm feeling better today, but now I'm contemplating my life.

As I mentioned, I love to be active and prefer to be physically active. But that doesn't seem to be an option anymore. Because of the pain medicine that makes me loopy, and my inability to stand or sit for long periods of time, I am unable to work.  Instead of being active and/or working, I am laying around bored, depressed, and in pain.

So now I am on a mission. I need to change this! I am looking for new hobbies. Hobbies that do not irritate my back. I want to find something that keeps my mind busy and off the pain and the loss of my beloved Taekwondo and gym.

My plan is to try all sorts of new activities...I'm searching the web for ideas, looking on Pinterest, and asking friends for ideas to try. I am going to keep trying new things until I find something I love.

If you have any ideas, please comment here. I know I've not been on my Blog in awhile, but I will be Blogging now.

Vampire Craze

I just saw a preview for the new Twilight movie, "Breaking Dawn." I started to get really excited about seeing the movie, and then are started to feel a little embarrassed. Teenage vampires falling in love, getting married...really?

But then I realized that the Twilight saga is more than Team Edward or Team Jacob for me. It's about my love for vampires in general. I have been a big fan of vampires for a really long time, and the Twilight saga is just another outlet for me to enjoy those blood suckers.

It all started back in high school when I saw "Interview With a Vampire". I loved that movie! For me it wasn't about how hot the vampires may have been or that there was a love story. It was about how badass and funny the vampires are.

Vampires are the badass-iest of the supernatural if you ask me. They are quick, smart, and strong. They are funny in that they are so out there, so confident, and witty. I love watching vampires because I like to laugh and see them kick butt.

After seeing "Interview With a Vampire" I fell in love with the tv series "Buffy the Vampire Slayer." I had seen the movie, but it was too quirky. The show, however, had more dimension and character development of the vampires. Spike and Angel quickly became my favorite characters. Besides the show "Friends" there hasn't been another show I was sad to see end like "Buffy". I was happy, though, that they continued on with the show "Angel", but that too had to end.

The idea behind "Blade" was pretty awesome. I love the character and the story line, but for some reason the movies don't hold my attention. Maybe it is too dark...who knows.

My favorite right now is "TrueBlood"! Eric and Pam make me laugh and I love watching them kick butt. I hate that the seasons only last a couple of months. I need more vampire on tv.

So that is why I am happy to see the next Twilight movie. More witty vampires being badass. My favorites in the saga are Alice and Emmett. Both are pretty tough and funny. In the movies, Edward is too wimpy for my taste. Too much crying over Bella. Buffy should come kick Bella's ass.

Yes I am not embarrassed anymore that I have a love for Vampires. It's not like I want to be one or anything. I am not hoping to fall in love with a vampire any time soon (of course if he looks like David Boreanaz I might reconsider, ha).

Kissing a Dolphin

A couple of weeks ago I went to the Bahamas for the weekend to get away from my kids and chores. While the majority of the cruise was a bust, my entire weekend was redeemed when I got to swim with dolphins.

In Freeport, there is a place called Unexso that has diving tours and dolphin encounters. If you are ever  on the Grand Bahama Island, you have to look this place up. The people are fabulous, and the dolphins are amazing. 

http://www.unexso.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=frontpage&Itemid=1

It was storming, and raining, and just plain ugly the day we were in the Bahamas, but 1 hour before our scheduled swim with dolphins it finally stopped raining. The water was still murky, but the dolphins were playful and ready for me to jump in.

In the movie Dolphin Tale, they  tell a story about children being turned into dolphins so "they can play forever." This is so true to the Dolphins. While swimming with them, I would spin, they would spin, I would swim on my back, they would swim on their back, I'd go underwater and they would nudge me back up...they just loved to play. Just being around them made me feel 20 years younger.

After the free swim with the dolphins, we got to do some tricks with them. It was fun to interact with them, and get them to do tricks (kinda like playing with a puppy). 

My favorite tricks were getting them to hug me and to kiss me.

In addition to the dolphins being great, the trainers were colorful. They were not your typical G rated SeaWorld trainer. There were locals with an amazing sense of humor. They made us laugh for the majority of the trip.

I had the best time with the dolphins, and am dying to get to swim with them again. How can you not be happy when you are around dolphins?

The Problem With Taekwondo

For those of you that do not study Taekwondo, Taekwondo means the way of the hand and the foot. Very traditional Taekwondo focuses on punching, striking, and kicking. It does NOT involve grabbing, throwing, or wrestling.

The problem with modern Taekwondo schools is they try to incorporate the grappling and throwing of other martial arts. We saw how Bruce Lee took bits and pieces of different martial-arts to create something new. That is okay, I guess. I think Bruce Lee is pretty cool, but I do not like the idea of combining the martial-arts. The main reason: Tradition gets lost!

Traditional Taekwondo provides us with all the tools we need. If we can master Taekwondo, we do not need to learn how to grapple or throw people across the room. I personally think it's more fun to kick them across the room anyway. I've heard so many times that Taekwondo is not practical, but this could not be any farther from the truth. I think all the martial-arts have strengths and weaknesses based on the practitioner. If you are not good with your legs but you are great with your arms, then an art that uses more arms would be more efficient than Taekwondo in that situation. I personally prefer Taekwondo, and I know through forms that Taekwondo can teach me all I need to know. (I don't know it all...I still got a long way to go).

The forms (poomse) in Taekwondo teach us all we need to defend ourselves. The strikes, punches, and kicks alone reinforce how we can hurt an attacker. If practiced correctly and often, the basics in forms will make sure we can respond effectively in any situation. Plus, blocks can be blocks, blocks can be strikes, strikes can be release moves, kicks are kicks, and those weird moves that instructors pass over actually are great release moves. By release moves, I mean if somebody grabs you, you use that move to get away. For example, the big move in Koryo before turning to the last bar (I affectionately call this "pretty burst") is a way to get out of a hold. Forms alone teach us all we need, we do not need to add Hapkido, Judo, or Jujitsu to Taekwondo.

Still, Taekwondo schools all over the US are not teaching students how to effectively use Taekwondo. They rush through the basics and the forms to get to the "fun stuff." The commercialization of martial-arts forces instructors to keep things "fun" so students don't leave and train at the other school 1 block away. The popularization of UFC/MMA has forced many Taekwondo school owners to incorporate grappling just to keep students in the building. It's all about money and profit, which is why I HATED owning a Taekwondo school. It made me sick to go against everything I believed in just so we could pay the electric bill.

I wish there was a way for Taekwondo to get back to basics. I miss it!

Open Your Eyes, Dummy

As I am reading about barren women in the Bible and why God did this to them, I start to think about why God is not giving me what I want. I know there are a lot of ways to explain why God left these women like Sarah and Ruth barren, but as I relate it to my life I see He did it to open their eyes. God had other plans for these women and their husbands.

It's hard and it hurts when you want something so bad that you pray everyday all day. It kills you inside when you see others with what you want but you can't have it. It doesn't seem fair. Infertility is obviously not my problem, but there are other things I beg God for but my prayers remain unanswered. As I step back and relate my requests to the requests of the barren women in the Bible, I can see a resemblance.

I think God sometimes doesn't answer prayers because He wants us to open our eyes to other things going on in our lives. Sometimes when we are happy with what we have, we can miss the big picture or we can miss the little things that need to be noticed. If the childless people in the Bible were busy with kids, would they have had the time and attention to do God's work?

I know that God has taken things from me and not give other things to me that I really really want. Things that I think define me and things that I have always wanted. I admit that sometimes I get pretty pissed off at God. But as I think about why God does this, I realize that I am not being punished. God wants me to pay attention to other things in my life. He wants me to appreciate what I have, or find new ways to define myself.

I am still struggling with the journey, but I have to take time to reflect on what it is God wants me to do right now. Maybe my prayers will never be answered, and maybe thats a good thing. I think of Garth Brook's song "Unanswered Prayers" and know that there are things I am glad God didn't make happen. However, it the midst of pain and want, it's hard to see that God has a better plan.

I'll continue to pray and keep my eyes open.

I Must Be a Genius

I was getting really annoyed with people in the past. I referred to some people as stupid idiots, morons, dumb, and other similar things. But I got to thinking, maybe the problem isn't with other people. I mean, there can't be THAT many stupid people, can there? Maybe the problem is with me. Perhaps I am such a genius and shouldn't expect other people to be a genius. Here is why I must be a genius:

1) I'm one of the few people in the United States that can figure out that the left lanes on highways are for passing. They are not supposed to be for people to leisurely drive the speed limits on. They are not for the slow nervous driver, or for people to drive side by side with the people in the right lane. I guess maybe this is hard to comprehend if you are not a genius, right?

2) I think it must be hard for people who are not geniuses to remember to flush the toilets in public restrooms. It seems that this happens a lot, so I guess it must be me that is smart enough to remember to do it, and not other people being too stupid to remember.

3) I don't know if this is pure genius or incredible endurance on my part, but I seem to be the only person in my household that can get trash in the trash can, dirty dishes in the sink, and dirty clothes on the laundry basket. Maybe its just hard to find the trash cans, sinks, and hampers. Sometimes the dishes end up on the counter right next to the sink, and the same for dirty clothes right next to the hamper. So maybe others just don't have the endurance to make it ALL the way to the hamper and sink.

4) Another reason I am a genius is because I am the only person at my house that can actually put a roll of toilet paper onto the toilet paper dispenser. It's an amazingly complicated process, and I'm glad one of us in the house can figure this out.

5) At the gym, I am one of the few people that can actually remember where I got my equipment from after I use it. It must take a lot of brain power to get equipment, use it, and then remember where that equipment came from. I know that dumbbells and plates are supposed to go back on racks, and I know that the cable attachments did not come with me in my gym bag.

6) Counting must be something the smarter few of us can do, especially at the grocery store. The ten items or less checkout line is very complicated. I mean counting to ten and deciding if you have more or less is hard. I mean, 30 items can be hard to decipher from 10...right?

7) Chewing gum and walking is difficult, I admit, but chewing and keeping your mouth shut must be even harder. I am one of a handful that can eat popcorn and candy at a movie theater without chewing with my mouth open disturbing those around me. I can EVEN chew gum and not pop it when there are people near me. Yes, I know...GENIUS!

What do you think, am I a genius? Maybe you are too!

Growing Up, But not Really

As I was picking out the marshmallows from my Lucky Charms, I started to think of all the things that we never really grow out of. There are things I loved as a kid that no longer hold much appeal to me as an adult. As a little girl I loved Barbies, now I would rather dress myself up than dress up Barbie. But there are other things that I loved as a kid still enjoy to this day.

1) The marshmallows out of Lucky Charms. Yes, I buy the box, pick out the marshmallows, eat the marshmallows, and feed the yucky oat things to my dog. This is great! As a kid, my mom would make me eat the yucky things, and now I get to enjoy Lucky Charms the way they were meant to be enjoyed.

2) Bubble Baths. I love a good bubble bath! A normal bath is just gross and disgusting. Add bubble, and VOILA! Instant relaxation. As a kid I loved to make beards on my face (okay, I still do this too...shhhh!), make my toys play in the bubbles, and blow the bubbles onto the shower walls. Now I enjoy the bubbles with some candles, a book, and maybe even a glass of wine.

3) Rainbows. As a kid I would get excited about every rainbow I saw, even if it was just the light reflecting off glass or something. But now, even as an adult, I still enjoy a good rainbow. I will run out the door to look in the sky if somebody says there is a rainbow. I didn't know the Biblical story behind the rainbow as a kid, but I do now. I still think they are pretty, magical, and now I know the story behind them.

4. Chocolate...'nuf said

5. Orange and Grape soda. Okay this stuff just rocks. As a kid I was limited to the amount of consumption by my parents, as an adult I'm limited because I know that too much of it will still give me a bellyache. But they are so good!

6. Riding my bike. As a kid this was my main form of tranportation. I road my bike EVERYWHERE! That was the joy of living in a small town (Shout out: Danville, Kentucky!) But my friends, brothers, and I didn't really think of it as a chore. Riding bikes was fun. I even remember playing CHiPs with my brother. I got to be Ponch, my brother liked John because John had the night stick. Anyway, as a kid riding bikes was fun, now it is still nice and relaxing. It's almost a relief not to have to drive somewhere.

7. Going to the movies. This was a treat for my brothers and me growing up. We loved driving to the bigger towns and getting to watch the movies on the big screen and eating that awesome popcorn. Yeah, it's still just as awesome, but now I have a movie theater in my own town!!! Wooo hooo!

8. Playing dress up. As a kid I loved to dress up in my mom's clothes, loved playing with halloween costumes, heck I even enjoyed wearing my brothers clothes. It was great to pretend, change looks, or just get fancy. I still love this. I love getting dressed up to go out, and I still love halloween costumes. Its just plain fun

This list could go on...What are some of the things you still enjoy doing that you loved doing as a kid?