Open Your Eyes, Dummy

As I am reading about barren women in the Bible and why God did this to them, I start to think about why God is not giving me what I want. I know there are a lot of ways to explain why God left these women like Sarah and Ruth barren, but as I relate it to my life I see He did it to open their eyes. God had other plans for these women and their husbands.

It's hard and it hurts when you want something so bad that you pray everyday all day. It kills you inside when you see others with what you want but you can't have it. It doesn't seem fair. Infertility is obviously not my problem, but there are other things I beg God for but my prayers remain unanswered. As I step back and relate my requests to the requests of the barren women in the Bible, I can see a resemblance.

I think God sometimes doesn't answer prayers because He wants us to open our eyes to other things going on in our lives. Sometimes when we are happy with what we have, we can miss the big picture or we can miss the little things that need to be noticed. If the childless people in the Bible were busy with kids, would they have had the time and attention to do God's work?

I know that God has taken things from me and not give other things to me that I really really want. Things that I think define me and things that I have always wanted. I admit that sometimes I get pretty pissed off at God. But as I think about why God does this, I realize that I am not being punished. God wants me to pay attention to other things in my life. He wants me to appreciate what I have, or find new ways to define myself.

I am still struggling with the journey, but I have to take time to reflect on what it is God wants me to do right now. Maybe my prayers will never be answered, and maybe thats a good thing. I think of Garth Brook's song "Unanswered Prayers" and know that there are things I am glad God didn't make happen. However, it the midst of pain and want, it's hard to see that God has a better plan.

I'll continue to pray and keep my eyes open.